Celebrity Jeopardy-BTVS style
by Mims
Summary: The title is pretty self explanatory, hope you enjoy and find it funny.


Disclaimer: I own nothing from SNL, Jeopardy, or BTVS. Other, much richer, people own them.  
  
Author's Note: First of all this is a humor parody. It will be offensive to fans of SMG, NB, and ASH. Just for the record, I love them to death. This is just something that was in my head and wouldn't leave me alone. So, in Celebrity Jeopardy fashion- that's how the characters will be portrayed. I don't actually think they're like this. I mean, I know Sean Connery doesn't act like he does on CJ, but it doesn't make it any less funny.  
  
  
  
Rating- Pg-14 (Imagine it as an episode of SNL)  
  
  
  
Celebrity Jeopardy-BTVS style  
  
Alex Trabeck: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Today we have been graced by the cast of the cult hit, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sarah Michelle Gellar is in third place, having lost a great deal of money ringing in and refusing to respond to any name other than Buffy.  
  
SMG: Did you say something to me?  
  
AT: Yes, but it doesn't matter. In second place is Nicholas Brendon, who has done nothing but ring in and making incredibly bad jokes.  
  
NB: So a priest, a rabbi and a witch walk into a bar.  
  
AT: Shut your mouth. And in first place is Anthony Stewart Head.  
  
ASH: You said head. I know your mother gives good head.  
  
AT: Who, apparently because he is British, is acting like Sean Connery.  
  
ASH: Suck it Trabeck. Suck it long and suck it hard.  
  
AT: And because of the level of intelligence of our contestants, all categories are Buffy related.  
  
SMG: We're related?  
  
AT: Only in hell.  
  
NB: That's the thing about living on a hellmouth, you're already in hell. So that means you're related.  
  
SMG: Cool. Buffy Trabeck.  
  
ASH: Well, I know we're related, since I boffed your mom last night.  
  
AT: (sighs) And let's take a look at the board. Our categories are: VAMPIRES BUFFY'S SLEPT WITH; BRITISH SLANG TERMS; SWORDS; IS THIS A WEAPON; that's where I say an object and you tell me whether it could be a weapon or not. POTPOURRI; and finally PLACES IN SUNNYDALE. Miss Gellar since you are in third place you have control of the board. Please choose a category.  
  
SMG: (stares aimlessly at space)  
  
AT: (Sighs) Fine. Buffy.  
  
SMG: That's me.  
  
AT: Pick a category.  
  
SMG: I'll take Places in Sunnydale for $500,000.  
  
AT: Places in Sunnydale for $5,000. This hangout that allowed students to take books out, was the setting for seasons 1-3. Nicholas Brendan.  
  
NB: Now books, those are the things with all the words. The nice ones have pictures right?  
  
AT: No. Buffy.  
  
SMG: Actually I think he's right. Books have words and pictures.  
  
AT: Yes, that is a book. But a book is not a place.  
  
ASH: I've got book for you Trabeck. It's called "I humped your mother last night."  
  
AT: That's very clever Mr. Head.  
  
ASH: You said head again.  
  
AT: The correct answer, was library. Mr. Brendan since you gave the only response that even resembled an answer, why don't you pick a category.  
  
NB: Okay, I'll take s words.  
  
AT: That's swords. The response to everything in this category will be a sword. Ready, let's try this. Buffy used this to send Angel to hell at the end of Becoming. Mr. Brendan.  
  
NB: Stake.  
  
AT: NO!  
  
NB: Okay, what is a stake?  
  
AT: The category is swords!  
  
NB: It started with a S. What more do you want from me?  
  
AT: To shut up. Mr, oh the hell with it, you British man.  
  
ASH: I gave your mother a stake last night. If you know what I mean and I think that you do.  
  
AT: Okay that is quite enough! Buffy, any idea. You might want to buzz in since you did do the killing.  
  
SMG: (looks around blankly)  
  
AT: The correct answer, of course, was a sword. Since the three of you have a combined IQ of a piece of lint, I will choose a category. Let's take British Slang terms. The answer is: This slang term is usually used before hell and is also a bodily fluid. Anthony Stewart Head.  
  
ASH: Frigging hell. At least, that's what your mother was saying last night, and I know there was some bodily fluids exchanged.  
  
AT: No and that's disgusting. Mr. Brendan.  
  
NB: This slang term is usually used before hell and is also a bodily fluid. I'll take Potpourri for lots of money.  
  
AT: You didn't get it correct. All you did was repeat what I said.  
  
NB: Well, you said it was the answer didn't you?  
  
AT: You have to respond in the form of a question.  
  
NB: Okay fine, what is this slang term usually used before hell and is also a bodily fluid?  
  
AT: That's the question!  
  
NB: Make up your mind, you already said it was the answer. How can it be the question and the answer?  
  
AT: You are an idiot. Oh never mind. Anything to add to this slayer?  
  
SMG: Oh, when I slay things it usually gets my clothes bloody.  
  
AT: Dear Lord, you actually gave a correct answer. Or at least what passes for a correct answer on this show. Please pick a category.  
  
SMG: I'll take vampires I slept with for $2,000.  
  
ASH: Ha, you slept with vampires for $2,000, what a slut.  
  
SMG: I did not. I am not. Xander tell him I didn't.  
  
NB: I'd sleep with you for $2,000. Oh God, did I say that aloud.  
  
AT: Can we focus. This peroxide blond vampire is Buffy's latest lover. Mr. Brendan.  
  
NB: Darla. Oh please can it be Darla. Two women kissing, ohhhhhhh.  
  
AT: Hmmm, yes. I-I mean no, that's wrong. Mr. Head.  
  
ASH: Angel's the only vampire she's slept with.  
  
NB: Unless it's Darla.  
  
AT: It's not Darla or Angel. Buffy, do you have something to say?  
  
SMG: (looks away ashamed) No, not at all. I have no idea. I haven't gotten any since Riley.  
  
AT: That's not what the card says.  
  
SMG: Why don't you bring that over here.  
  
AT: (brings card to show her, she puts him in a headlock, grabs the card, rips it into a thousand pieces)  
  
SMG: (whispering) You tell anyone I'll kill you.  
  
AT: You do realize you don't actually have slayer strength. You weigh 110 pounds and I could flip you like a pancake right now.  
  
ASH: I know that's how your mother liked it.  
  
NB: Hmmmm, Darla and Buffy flipping each other.  
  
AT: (pulls out of SMG headlock) And it's time for final jeopardy. The category is, big bads. And the answer: This season 3 Big Bad turned into a snake and tried to kill you all. Name the elected office he held.  
  
(Jeopardy Music)  
  
AT: Let's get this over with. Buffy, you are in last place let's see what you said. My name is Buffy. Very good. And you wagered, I slay things. You, my dear, need mental help.  
  
SMG: Oh, I got that. I mean I was all psychotic for a while, but my friends made me an antidote from the demon and fed it to me.  
  
AT: I stand corrected. Moving on. Nicholas Brendan, who left to go to the bathroom, answered- with a picture of two women kissing. And he wagered: I would pay anything to see this. As would I. And, oh good I can't wait, we finally come to Anthony Stewart Head.  
  
ASH: I think I've won.  
  
AT: Of course you have. You answered: Y O R M A in stair letters. I tell you what my friend. That is close enough to the actual answer, Mayor. So, despite your best efforts, you have won. And you wagered: Y O u R M other's A whore.  
  
ASH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
AT: A very proud day for you and your family.  
  
NB: (calls from the background) Does any one have a kleenex.  
  
AT: Joss, you can have. Good night. 


End file.
